Human Resource employee notice
To all Employees:
Effective January 2008
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work
dressed according to your salary. If we
see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying
a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing
well financially and therefore do not
need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to
learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are
right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's
certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal
days a year. They are called Saturday &
Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the
arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement
is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will
be glad to allow you to work through
your lunch hour and subsequently leave
one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent
in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the cubicle door will open, and
your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your
picture will be posted on the company
notice board under the "Chronic
Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture
will be sanctioned under the company's
mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for
lunch, as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for
lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain
their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our
company. Remember we are an employer of
choice and we are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input
should be directed elsewhere.
Bird Management
Kang Qi. 22nd this year, born as a Taurus & deeply in love with mr lion. Currently studying at UWA ( BSC Biomedical Science) & working at Singapore General Hospital as a Pharmacy Technician. Loves to shop, sleep & eat of course :P